tell me a joke!
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- This topic has 35 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 20 years, 5 months ago by
betty.k.
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December 2, 2003 at 5:49 am #10895
i’m bored. bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored!!:D
so tell me a gag or something funny. and remember, the kiddies are listening. i’ll start.a skeleton walks into a bar and says “g’day, i’ll have a beer and a mop!”
q: what’s red and invisible?
a: no tomatos(well, ok. i guess they don’t have to be funny after all!):8ball:
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December 2, 2003 at 6:00 am #20481
Q: whats black and white, and read all over…
A: THE NEWSPAPER(Doesn’t work when typing it because you have to say read)
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December 2, 2003 at 6:08 am #20483
well maybe just a little funnier than that!!:D:8ball:
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December 2, 2003 at 2:50 pm #20860
Q. wats red sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller
A. a baby with a potato peeler
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December 2, 2003 at 3:20 pm #39439
q: what’s the best thing about being a caffeine freak?
a: only 3 more sleeps till christmas!
boom boom!!:D:8ball:
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December 2, 2003 at 3:23 pm #20520
lol.. i like the ban shampoo thing.. haha
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December 2, 2003 at 4:52 pm #20918
q: why couldn’t the baby turn in the hallway?
a: it had a spear through its head.
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December 2, 2003 at 6:59 pm #20919
Q why did the boy fall off the swing
A some one threw a fridge at him
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December 2, 2003 at 9:51 pm #20921
haha, good one mb.
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December 2, 2003 at 9:54 pm #20922
lol thnx….
Q. Why does a blonde insist guys wear condoms…A. so she can have a snack later
Q.whats green and sits n the corner
A. a naughty frog
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December 2, 2003 at 10:12 pm #20924
q: whadda ya call a tim tam on a harley?
a: a biccie:8ball:
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December 2, 2003 at 10:15 pm #20925
ohh betty thats sooo bad .. ohh im insulteg its that bbad
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December 2, 2003 at 10:20 pm #20926
hey, i never said they had to be good!:D
q: what’s brown and sticky?
a: a stick
q: where do you find a dog with no legs?
a: where you left it:8ball:
Edited by – betty.k on 02 December 2003 17:22:26
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December 2, 2003 at 10:58 pm #20929
hehe, you guys crack me up.
A horse walks into a pub and sits down at the bar to order a drink,
Barman says, “Why the long face……?”
:)uA -
December 2, 2003 at 11:09 pm #20930
i got this one from kittycatsmack’s profile page,
2 goldfish are swimming around a tank, and one says to the other “do you know how to drive this thing?!”
p.s., i’m guessing they have a high staff turnover at this place:8ball:
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December 3, 2003 at 1:11 am #20934
Q. wats a fish say when it walks into a brick wall
A. nutting fish cant walkQ. wats a fish say when it swims into a brick wall
A. ouch -
December 3, 2003 at 1:33 am #20936
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side
Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind?
A: Blow in her ear
Q: Why do blondes have square breasts?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box
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December 3, 2003 at 8:22 am #20947
Q: Whats white and blue and swings through the jungle?
A: A refridgerator (sp?) in a denim jacket.
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December 7, 2003 at 5:03 pm #20846
more more more, this is a crackup
i will have some for you guys/gals next working week… -
December 7, 2003 at 5:56 pm #20847
One day there is a poodle and he’s lost wondering in the forrest. He passes a Leopard up in a tree who see’s the poodle and thinks to himself, what a stupid looking animal, I’m sure he’ll be easy to catch and eat.
The leopard stalk him for a while, the poodle knows something is stalking him and thinks quick,
he starts running and comes upon a clearing with a pile of bones in it. With the leopard hot on his trail he grabs a bone turns around and starts
shaking it violently.
“Take that Leopard !” he growls.
The leopard at the edge of the clearing see this and thinks to himself, maybe this silly looking creature is more dangerous than he looks.
So he backs off and looks for a meal elsewhere and the poodle makes a break for it.
A monkey sitting up in a tree see this and decides to expose the poodle. He jumps down to the leopard and tells him that he’s been had.
The monkey convices the leopard to go back after the poodle and jumps on his back for the ride.
When the leopard and monkey catch up with the poodle in the next clearing, the poodle thinks quick again and turns around and says to the monkey,
“I told you to bring me another Leopard! What too you so long ?” -
December 8, 2003 at 6:45 am #20851
har har!:D good one maaaaate!:8ball:
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December 8, 2003 at 3:11 pm #20853
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck,and everyone inside dies.
They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They’re all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is.
“I want to be gorgeous,” and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says “I want to be gorgeous too.”
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing.
When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his butt off.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says:………”Make ’em all ugly again”.
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December 8, 2003 at 7:54 pm #20855
i swear, i nearly crapped myself laughing at that one!!:D:D
ok, got another.
a fella walks into (surprise, surprise!) a bar with a little monkey on his shoulder. he buys a drink, sits down, but the monkey starts jumping around the pub. he gets on the bar and grabs some peanuts and eats them, then onto a table where he swallows someones lighter, then onto the pool table where he swallows the white ball. the publican says “mate, you’re gunna have to take your monkey outta here”, so the man obliges and leaves.
a couple of weeks later the man is back, with his monkey. “i hope you got your monkey sorted out” says the barman. “yeah no worries now” replies the man and sits down. immediately the monkey jumps on the bar, grabs a coin, pokes it up his bum, then swallows it. he grabs another lighter, pokes it up his bum, then swallows it. “i thought you said you sorted out your monkey” the barman yells. “well,” says the man “he still eats everything he picks up, but after that cue ball incident, he measures things first” :8ball: -
December 12, 2003 at 5:17 pm #20325
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Brisbane.
The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food
exceptional.
“But,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home.Why in Glasgow there’s a little bar called MacTavish’s. Now the Landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4
drinks, he’ll buy the 5th one for you.”“Well,” said the Englishman, “At my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2.”
“Aye, that’s nothing,” said the Irishman.
“Back home in Dublin, there’s Ryan’s Bar.
Now the moment ye set foot in the place they’ll buy
ye a drink, then another…all the drinks ye like. Then when you’ve had enough drinks they’ll take ye upstairs and see that ye get laid.
And mind ye, all of this is on the house and does not cost ye even a wee penny.”The Englishman and the Scotsman immedia! tely pour scorn on the
Irishman’s claims, but he swears that it’s true.“Well,” said the Englishman, “How do you know this is true?? Did this actually happen to you?”
“No,” said the Irishman, “but it happened to me sister, Bridget.”
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December 12, 2003 at 5:24 pm #20347
hope you like this one betty.k
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrolstation in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knowing nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
“Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.“What are dose?, asks the attendant.
“They’re called tees” replies Tiger.
“Well, what on God’s good earth are they for?”
enquires the Irishman. “
They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger.
“Feckin Jaysus”, says the Irishman,
“BMW think of everything”cheers:pcd79
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December 12, 2003 at 5:58 pm #26975
an australian, american and irishman are builders on a high rise construction site. during theyre lunch break they sit on one of the steel girders to eat their lunch their wives packed them. one day the australian pulls out his sandwich, sighs, and says ‘vegimite. if i get vegimite one more time im going to jump off this building’. the american then opens his lunch. ‘peanut butter and jelly. if i get peanut butter and jelly one more time, im gonna jump with you’. the irishman then takes a bite of his sandwich, groans and says ‘lettuce, if i get lettuce once more, i will join you guys and jump too’.
the next day at lunch, they all sit down and open their lunch. ‘vegimite’ says the aussie ‘well, off i go!’ and he jumps off the edge, plummetting to the ground. the american then takes a bit of his sandwich and leaps off the edge after his co-worker. the irishman looks on his sandwich, and also jumps off the building.
a week later there is a joint funeral for the 3 men, and the 3 wives of the men are crying their eyes out and talking about their beloved husbands, when the irishmans wife says ‘i dont understand it, he makes his own lunches!’
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December 12, 2003 at 6:10 pm #20204
K i got one:
A man walks into a bar with an octopus, sits down and orders 2 beers. The bartender asks him why he has an octopus, and to his surprise the octopus turns around and stares him in the face,
It’s alive!! the bartender cries in amazement.
“No shit” replies the octopus. “It can talk!!” Exclaims the bartender.
“This ain’t any old octopus, it can play any musical instrument in the world” says the man.
At that point the band stops playing. The Guitarist steps down and walks over to the man and says “I’ll bet you $50 he can’t play my guitar”
So the octopus grabs the guitar and plays a tune that would put Jimmy Hendrix to shame.
“Damn” says the guitarist and hands the man $50.
Next the Trumpet player steps down and walks over to the man and says “I’ll bet you $50 he can’t play my trumpet!”
So the octopus grabs the trumpet and plays a tune that must be heard to be believed.
“Damn” says the Trumpet player, and hands the man $50
Next the scottish bagpipe player steps down and walks over to the man and says “Ayy I’ll betcha he can’t play me baaaagpipes!”
So the octopus grabs the bagpipes, and suddenly looks confused, he slowly turs it over, studying it intently, with a blank expression on his face.
“Ayy i told you he couldn’t play me baaaagpipes!!!” “You owe me $50!!”“Play them???” replied the octopus, “I was gonna root it but i couldn’t work out how to get it’s fucking pyjamas off!!”
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December 12, 2003 at 6:21 pm #20427Quote:lol thnx….
Q. Why does a blonde insist guys wear condoms…A. so she can have a snack later
Ooooooh i loved that one, just shows what a sick sense of humour i have :smiley2:
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December 12, 2003 at 6:25 pm #38859
har har har!!!:D that’s the spirit!:8ball:
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December 12, 2003 at 6:36 pm #21606
Yay i’m not the only one!!!! :):8ball:
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December 12, 2003 at 7:09 pm #38863
A Cuban, Russian and American are out fishing boat off the coast of Florida.
The cuban lights up a cigar, takes a puff and throws it over the side.
“Why you do that ?” asks the Russian.
The Cuban explains that they have so many cigars in Cuba that they can afford to throw them away.
The Russian cannot be outdone by the Cuban and
grabs his bottle of Vodka, takes a swig and throws the rest over the side.The Cuban enquires, “What for you do that crazy mutha ?”
The Russian explians that they took have so much vodka in Russia they can afford to throw it away.
The American won’t be outdone by anybody and he pushes the Cuban overboard !
“What the hell you do that for ?” askes the Russian.
The American explains that they have so many of them in his country they can afford to throw them away.
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You know why Mexico doesn’t have an Olympic team ?
Because everybody that can run, swim and jump is already in the USA. -
December 12, 2003 at 7:34 pm #20243
:D:Dstoppit!! i’m dyin’!:8ball:
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December 13, 2003 at 3:47 am #38853
hahahaha.. man i loved the one aobut hte ugly people.. and the one about the lunches rocked hahahaha 😀
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December 16, 2003 at 4:01 am #38803
2 pakistanis get off the boat on australian shores, and decide to enter a pact. the first one says ‘in ones years time, we will meet back here on this very wharf and whoever is the most australian by that time wins $1000.’ the second pakistani agrees, and they leave in opposite direction. one year comes around, and they are both back at the dock. they start discussing their ‘aussieness’.
‘today i got out of bed, put vegemite on my toast and took my son to his AFL game’ says the first.
‘PISS OFF YA PAKI PRICK’ says the second.
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December 16, 2003 at 5:23 am #38776
yet again supid humour
Question: You know wat the say about big feet???
Answer: Big Feet!!! -
December 17, 2003 at 9:16 pm #38699
nice one guy’s ILIKETHEMALOT ???
pcd79:D:D:smiley2:
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