AUSMICRO BIG BROTHER!! (not for kiddies eyes)

[jamiekulhanek]

Ausmicro.com Big Brother 2004

Day 1 – Ph2t admits straight away that he doesn’t like the look of Jamiekulhanek. He says he looks like a gay. As it turns out, Merc-blue is in fact the only gay in the house, although Aaron later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 – The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Betty.k creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Dgs73 hits him with a George Forman Grill.

3 – The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother – they must make a model of Batman Bridge out of Tacos. After much persuasion by Betty.k, they gamble 50% of next week’s food budget on completing the task.

4 – Training for the Batman Bridge task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Aaron, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Tacos. Dgs73 is furious.

5 – Today is the day when the Batman Bridge task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Aaron farts and blows Batman Bridge over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Jamiekulhanek cries.

6 – Betty.k gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 – Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Jamiekulhanek admits that he likes to be spanked on the arse with a George Forman Grill. Ph2t says he never wears condoms because they make his arsehole sore and Betty.k agrees. Merc-blue goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they’re all boring heterosexual bastards. Aaron sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Betty.k.

8 – Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Ph2t goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they’re the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Dgs73 and Jamiekulhanek are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Ph2t.

9 – Dgs73 and Jamiekulhanek are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Merc-blue sings them a song – What About Me – to make them feel better.

10 – The public vote Jamiekulhanek out of the house. He pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that he should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Jamiekulhanek leaves.

11 – Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Jamiekulhanek’s departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week’s failed task. Merc-blue has to make do without the cucumber he requested. Dgs73 is visibly depressed and is comforted by Betty.k, who tries to touch him on his fanny.

12 – The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Betty.k touching Dgs73’s fanny over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 – The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Aaron refuses to run because his arsehole hurts a bit.

14 – Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Aaron finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they’d never have done it. Dgs73 calls Aaron a lazy arsehole.

15 – Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Ph2t tells everyone individually that he thinks Dgs73 is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Dgs73 and Betty.k are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Ph2t.

16 – The nominations are announced. Dgs73 can’t believe he’s been voted out two weeks in a row. Betty.k is equally stunned and turns to Dgs73 for comfort. Aaron is distraught and confesses to Merc-blue that he thinks he is in love with Betty.k. Merc-blue says he doesn’t fancy any of the housemates because they’re all just too heterosexual and he’s a gay, you know

17 – The public vote Betty.k out of the house. Dgs73 says he is gutted and even gives Betty.k a clipping of hair from his fanny to prove how much he cares. Aaron is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Betty.k leaves.

18 – The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Dgs73 clipping the hair from his fanny. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 – Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Bangladesh in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 – Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Bangladesh sounds like but Aaron says it’s a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Ph2t as the one who must complete the task.

21 – Ph2t successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Bangladesh but also God Save The Queen, What About Me and the theme tune to Baywatch. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 – Nominations are due and Ph2t tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Aaron and Merc-blue are nominated.

23 – Aaron and Merc-blue take their nominations well and sit down with Ph2t and Dgs73 to discuss why they voted for them. Ph2t keeps quiet but Dgs73 accuses Aaron of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred arsehole before bursting into tears.

24 – The public vote Merc-blue out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Merc-blue leaves.

25 – Ph2t becomes the first housemate to have a wa nk. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Ph2t’s mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he’s a wa nker.

26 – Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Gorilla dung using only a George Forman Grill. Ph2t is unsure but Aaron is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 – Completely out of the blue, Aaron breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Gorilla incident from his childhood. Dgs73 tries to persuade him to stay but Ph2t sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Aaron decides to leave.

28 – With only two housemates remaining, the Gorilla dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Dgs73 from a couple of mouldy carrots he found in the Big Brother garden.

29 – Nominations are due for the final Aaron. Ph2t asks Dgs73 to marry him and he accepts. Unsurprisingly Ph2t nominates Dgs73 to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Dgs73.

30 – When the nomination is announced, Dgs73 graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Ph2t is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, he also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Ph2t takes his $1,000,000 and runs away to Bangladesh. Nobody, including Dgs73, ever sees him again.

*This is a randomely generated text, using the given names, these are not a true representation of the characters personality (exept ph2t).

Edited by – jamiekulhanek on 30 July 2004 14:35:04

[jamiekulhanek]

aaron if you choose that this is innapropriate, delete it, i just couldn’t resist….

[dgs73]

I was hoping it would expanded upon, but the house is now empty… that was gold, mate. Pure gold:D:approve::p

[jamiekulhanek]

Whoo Hoo!! I got voted out first!!!!

[merc-blue]

lol funny stuff jamie.. i my favroite bit was “*This is a randomely generated text, using the given names, these are not a true representation of the characters personality (exept ph2t).” becasue it show y ther was no blender fucking.. and also accepts THAT IM NOT GAY…

[betty.k]

well i have been eating a lotta chickin lately…:D

and dgs, why won’t you return my calls!!!:sad: did the “bathroom” incident mean nothing to you?!!!:8ball:

[dgs73]

where’s ph2t? We gotta discuss the splitting of assets… I want half that mill!!
betty; the stitches will be out shortly.:p

[merc-blue]

wats with this every one is a FAG .. including you jamie.. i think we need some editing.. i mean it even makes “big brother” seem like incestual sex

[ph2t]

well it looks like the truth is out, I’m a wanker….

[merc-blue]

lol we all already knew it but now its in writing… the only think that i would have liked 2 have seen was shypo come in as a intruder

[z-beam]

that was a classic.

wheres the link to the original jamie…

[ph2t]

Quote:

………….. was shypo come in as a intruder

lol, that’s a good one…

[PandaBear]

WHO… IS… BIG… BROTHER… !!

nyah hah haaa… 👿

[peteWah]

Can we have a season 2 already, I cant stop laugthing jamie, Top job:smiley16:….

Do you want a job as a freelance writer at picture mag:D:D:D:smiley2::approve:

[merc-blue]

i think jamie is expressing his deep emotional buildup (due to his homosexuality) .. and putting it out on every one else being gay.. JK man

[Aaron]

Satire is always good Jamie 😉

*LMAO*

*notes in that extremely masculine way – the Girlfriend loves it too*

A.

--
Site Owner Guy.

[KittyKatSmack]

beautiful work there!

love your style!

[jamiekulhanek]

damn, i should have put Kitty in there as the BB whore :evil:…..:clown:

[z-beam]

watch your toungue jamie, kitty’s got claws that cut real bad dude…

[jamiekulhanek]

i’ve got bandaids…….

[Racer9]

This is great! Thanks for the laugh!

[jamiekulhanek]

do you have big brother (reality TV show) in the USA??

[peteWah]

I can think of 3 shows already

[Racer9]

there has been 5 Big Brothers here.

[jamiekulhanek]

we’re onto our 5th….

[lots_of_lobsters]

omg the normal big brother is gay, but this one is real juicy stuff jamie, now we know the true side to ph2t…not that we didnt know before :smiley2:

[Author]

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