SantaResearch

[peedee]

Is there a Santa Claus?

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 1 in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there’s at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second; a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anoint, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not even counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison – this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion – If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.

Based on the research of SPY magazine, January 1990.

radio control zone

[Camshaft]

Heheh, this is hilarious stuff. Spy magazine has something like this in every issue I’ve seen.

[peedee]

i found this very funny myself, lik the fact sum person spent hours researching this as well is a laugh

[Camshaft]

I enjoy suspending reality in my mind and thinking up things like this. :p

[micro_Amps]

Well all those figures seem totally feasible to me.
I dont know what you guys are finding so funny, it happens every single year so its obviously not a problem for him.

:):smiley2:uA

[peedee]

lol some sort of super santa

another fact: Snata was original Grean and White until a multinational company named Coca-Cola sponsured this super-being, therefore earning the right to make santa bear the read and white rob, that is ever so familiar…

[micro_Amps]

Well he had to get the 14.3 quintillion joules of energy from somewhere, so it came in the form of calories sponsored by Coke, good on coke !!

Lucky Pepsi didnt get in on the act, he’d be red white and blue (well he kind of is anyway, so to speak)
:)uA

[peedee]

lol… i like your thinkin

and the cafeine keeps his eyes open at 3000 times the speed of light

[micro_Amps]

Absolutely !!!
:)uA

[brendan]

isnt santa spose to be magic anyway,

[trash]

Actually, (correction coming up)…
Santa, was originally an all white suit. (no green).
You can still see the original santa in orthodox countries, especially Russia. (xmas day is the 7th of jan) St Nicolas, or Father Frost as he is know. It’s very rare to see a red santa there. He is known to ride in a sleigh (it’s called a troika, which is tradionally pulled by three specially trained horses).

I would however like to point out that santa seems to have a dual personality.

SANTA – SATAN … an anagram.
Both wear a read suit,
Both like little children,
and you never see them together at the same time !

I ask you… is it the same person ?

[leonli17]

Mmm…u made a good point trash.
come to think of it…Santa is kinda suspecious.

[betty.k]

looks like santa did a dual cell mod before any of us!:8ball:

[z-beam]

did some say he was a drug feind? maybe he keeps himself busy by working for the columbians in the off-season.

[betty.k]

and you thought that was snow on his boots!:D:8ball:

[z-beam]

and that “big fluffy white beard”?

remember coca-cola’s secret special ingredient in the old days?

man it HAS to be the truth…….

[leonli17]

And this is also the explaination for his thick clothes. No one wears that many clothes downhere during Xmas(summer). It must be drugs in the hidden pockets.

[Impreza]

Hey I’m wearing thick clothes right now, but then again it isn’t exactly summer up here:(

[Camshaft]

Impeza, I know how you feel. I live near Lake Erie, 40 miles south of Canada. Very cold right now!

[peedee]

Leon: But when travelling 3000 times the speed of light it might get a little chilly

[micro_Amps]

Yes, the wind chill factor must be terrible, betcha he’s got thermals on under there as well/
:)uA

[oldtamiyaphile]

Origin of Santa:

http://users.rcn.com/tlclcms/santa.htm

[trash]

hehehe,
That’s a good article.

I reckon that people should stop with these silly religous background myths of christmas and get on with the true spirit of …. COMMERCIALISM !!!

[betty.k]

right on trash! gimme gimme gimme! it’s not the having, it’s the getting:8ball:

[micro_Amps]

Merry Commercialism everybody, and Happy New posessions. :p
Doesnt really sound right.
:)uA

[Impreza]

Hey uA, congrats on the four stars:), does that mean we have to salute you now?

[Author]

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